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Mike and I have five animals.

I’m just going to let you wrap your head around that for a minute.

There’s Meph, our five-and-a-half-foot ball python, who is by far the cleanest and easiest of our crew. Then there’s Toby, the loudest, most demanding tom cat you’ve ever met in your life. Amelia is quiet and shy until she gets to know you. In her spare time she enjoys eating computer cords and pissing on throw rugs, which means we can’t have any, anywhere, ever. Rugs, not cords. Cords we just hide. Valentine is a doll and even when she’s ill, will beg at the door to be let out before she will ever do her business indoors. Unless of course we’ve just vacuumed – then she’ll pee somewhere really obvious, apparently in order to prove her hatred of the dreaded machine. (As if the hysterical running in circles with her tail between her legs doesn’t get the point across.) This means that whenever I want to vacuum (which I do, every day) I have to walk her first, crate her during the ordeal, then walk her again immediately after. Lastly, but not leastly, there is our beloved Theo. A dachshund who, if he spoke English, I’m sure would have a lot to say. But he does not speak English, he speaks Dog Urine. And speak it he does, whenever his humans do anything that even slightly irritates him.

“Hey Mike? Is it true that Theo hasn’t peed in the house since last Sunday?”
“That is true.”
“That’s great! I guess we’ve been behaving according to his will?”
“He has trained us well.”

As a result of our multiple mess-making mammalian friends, we have been around the block and back with every pet odor and stain remover on the market. While some products work well enough – masking the odor and mostly removing the stain – I’ve never been particularly happy with anything we’ve tried.

So when Quincy and Meagan at SeaYu Enterprises asked me to review their eco-friendly pet stain and odor remover, I thought, Why not? I’ve been dealing with cat piss and dog butt-smear for years, tried dozens of products, and never been satisfied. Maybe this product will be different.

And Oh Dear Readers, it is. It really really is.

The Stain:

the stain

The Culprit:

the culprit

(I should know better than to vacuum without walking, crating, and walking her.)
(Please excuse the giant box photo right. These photos were taken a week after we moved.)

Now, here’s where things get cah-razy. The instructions on the bottle say to spray the stain, no need to soak it, and walk away.

Walk. Away. As in, you’re done. If it’s a wet stain, you first press a clean rag to it to sop up as much of the animal moisture as possible, but then you spray it, and walk. away.

I read that and laughed. Like really? Really? Come on now. If I’m not scrubbing and sweating and miserable, how is that stain going to go away? But I shrugged away my misgivings, sprayed, and walked away. Just as Theo decided to wipe his ass nearby.*

the cleanup

Here’s the thing, you guys. If there is one chore I loathe and despise, it’s scrubbing animal waste out of my carpeting. Especially because it seems like no matter how many times I reapply, blot, reapply, blot, douse, scrub, scrub, scrub, and cry over a stain, the smell Never Goes Away. But with this stuff? You just spray it, walk away and I swear, I have mashed my nose right into a pee stain treated with Clean+Green, taken a deep inhale, and you know what it smells like? Fresh air. Not even musty old carpet. Just clean air, the kind you’d breathe standing on the top of a beautiful mountain near a waterfall in early summer. And that’s the truth.

A number of new, mysterious stains have cropped up on our carpeting over the last week and you know what I’m most looking forward to this weekend? Spraying them with Clean+Green and then stretching out on the sofa with a good book while they vanish, never to be heard from again. Then I’m going to go out and get some really fabulous throw rugs because Amelia’s little habits are nothing to me now that I have Clean+Green in my arsenal.

If you’d like to know more about how this miracle product works and what makes it eco-friendly, Gabe Cross at Green Cross wrote an excellent, informative article on the product on his blog. I also recommend the Clean+Green website for information and ordering.

P.S. I was not paid for this article, but I did receive one complimentary bottle of Clean+Green – Carpet & Upholstery for dogs and one complimentary bottle of Clean+Green – Furniture Refresher for dogs. Then I went out and purchased four more bottles because OMG you guys this is by far the best pet stain and odor remover I’ve ever used ever. For reals.

*In regards to the dogs wiping their butts on the carpet – Yes. I do express their anal glands on a regular basis. And they wipe their butts on the carpet anyway. Thanks for asking.