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More than enough dire consequences

Today I deleted 167 spam comments from my blog. Some of them are so fantastic I had to share them with you. I think you’ll appreciate the craft with which they were drafted. I have not edited them in any way, they are exactly as I received them. Check it:

You get being funny and also sounding too severe all at the exact same time, I can’t tension that importance in writing and modifying one’s personal net space.

Dude. I can’t tension that importance either. Also, what is a personal net space? Is that like, the space around you underneath a net?

I cannot suggest you sufficient for your efforts and skills for what you’ve posted here. There should be no 1 to be able to get to the point quicker than you.

Um… Thanks?

This topic is simply matchless , it is pleasant to me.

I think he means that my posts are the best posts on the Internet. Or else he means they can’t start a fire for sh*t.

Do you know what, this entry is probably your greatest for the time being. Words can’t describe how excellent it really is yet keep it up make certain you.

My greatest entry “for the time being.” That is brilliant. I will make certain keep it up me.

I apologise, but, in my opinion, you commit an error. I suggest it to discuss. Write to me in PM, we will communicate.

Right. I’m going to email you and we’re going to “communicate”. That’ll happen. (Never.)

This can be a topic that I include an amazing strong passion about. I over most people today omit how outstanding this originate is. I assume here is the underlying upon which a great uncountable other things are built in trunk we do this move shameful, there are more than enough of dire consequences in song’s destiny. So, we ought to be prudent and think wide how we want to entry this topic. I blame the hack for giving a fantastic first examine at towards it.

Did he just call me a hack?

Complete Turn Around

Phew! I’m just coming off a twelve-and-a-half hour work day, and I can’t tell if I’m exhausted or completely amped.

You guys, so far this week has been a million times better than last week. For one thing, I had a great work day today. After last week’s misery I was granted forty hours of training with a coding guru, and today was absolute bliss.

I guess I haven’t told you what it is I’m doing, have I? I’m learning web design. And HTML, CSS, javascript, and all that jazz. And up until today I’ve been learning it almost exclusively by myself, using various online video tutorials whenever I get stuck, which is constantly. This is not easy stuff. However, this week I’m in serious training and today was so. much. easier. The icing on the Monday Cake was when, after my eight hours of training, I used my new HTML skillz to format all the content on this: thelawcollaborative.com/events.

It’s not fancy, but I’m super impressed with myself. I had to build tables! In HTML! You guys!

But the exhaustion is beginning to catch up with me. My shoulders, arms, neck, and butt ache. But oh! Valentine is doing great. She’s happy as can be, her gum-holes are healing beautifully, and we’ve nick-named her “Gums.” Theo went to the dentist today, and he had to have a tooth pulled too, but only one. We have learned our lesson and from now on we will take much, much, much better care of their oral hygiene, I promise.

Also? It’s been sunny for three days now and I’m in absolute heaven. Even though my face has been pressed to a computer screen for twelve-and-a-half hours, just the sunlight streaming in through the windows is enough to make me giddy.

I love you guys. Thanks for being there when I needed you.

Completely Charmed

bees-breakfast

Photo by Professor Thorne

You guys. My parents just spent a weekend at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, where my father took a course with GNII, called “Journey Into Wholeness.” He had an incredible experience. Check this out:

This weekend we learned an ancient wisdom practice, which in Hebrew is called Hitbodedut.  Similar to the Buddhist practice of walking meditation, or  “aimless wandering,” it involves taking a solitary walk while voicing aloud one’s present pressing concerns. I’ve always been a big fan of the character Tevye, from Fiddler On The Roof, and recall his tirade to God concerning his birth as a poor man, and how he would have enjoyed life as a rich man.  I didn’t realize that this is an example of Hitbodedut. The ancient practice involves conscious conversation, listening, reflection, and discovery.

You can read the rest of it here.

Then, for his birthday I took him to revisit the Statue of Liberty and he wrote about that, too.

Curious footnote: The artists chose a woman carrying the Torch of Enlightenment to represent Liberty, and yet, not one woman was allowed on the island for the statue’s inauguration. Boats of women protesting the discrimination circled the island and the women cried out, “If She were alive, She would be banished from the island!” These women helped strengthen the focus of Women’s Suffrage in America.

How awesome is that?

Happy Friday to all, and to all, Happy Friday.

Like a spool they unwind, the words from my fingers

view

Lately my time is stretched so thin I don’t even know what to make of it – I swear it falls away faster than ever before and I feel it within the ribbon of the day, I find myself savoring the moments because they are all we have when all is said and done, these moments right now.  This week is the first week in months when the sun has shone every day in a row.  I find myself eager to walk the dogs in the morning, we take our time as we walk the length of Jackie Robinson Park, say hello to neighbors sitting, sipping morning coffee.  All these pictures have been taken along that stretch of park, and tomorrow morning I will have to photograph the lilies – they’ve just come up and they are gorgeous.

New York is where I learned how to take time to admire the flowers.  It’s also where I learned how to walk with my chin up but that’s a story for another day.

Things are good.  I feel like I’ve been really absent from this blog lately.  Content on this site has been nothing but sprinkles of postdinner pillow talk for days.  The funny thing is I’ve been writing constantly.  I have pages and pages of stories and ideas for stories scrawled into various notebooks, written on the train or the wee waking hours of the morning.  I just don’t have the time to type them out.  Or else I look over it later and decide its garbage, no one wants to read that.  Puh-leez.  Moron.

So I’m a little creatively blocked, maybe.  Or maybe I’m not.  Maybe I’m writing something that I’m not ready to show yet and maybe it will grow into something wonderful and fabulous, something I don’t even realize I’ve thought of yet.  I don’t know you guys.  Sometimes everything just feels so complicated.

But things are good.  I’m happy.  Work is exciting.  I’m being challenged every single day, crazy challenged, my brain is actually physically exhausted at the end of every day and then I can’t sleep because apparently my brain relaxes by running a list of five thousand things I haven’t done yet that need to get done tomorrow what the hell are you waiting for?

I know, right?  I’m beginning to think that maybe I’m a little bit OCD.  There are just all these little signs.  And there’s also the fact that cleaning my apartment has become the single most relaxing thing I do in the entire day.  How weird is that?  Is it weird?

The other day Michael and I had a fight – ok, I had a fight – long story short we had a misunderstanding and I stewed over it for way too long and then the other morning he walked into the kitchen and I was on my knees scrubbing underneath the stove and sobbing, scrubbing was the only way I could think of to soothe myself.  And he was like, “what happened?” and I hid my face in my hands, so embarrassed was I for how angry I felt over this thing, when I knew he wasn’t even the right person to be angry at.  So then I said that, too.  And he pulled me into his chest and I cried until I got it all out and then he made me breakfast.

Our days are salty and sweet, full of  tiny thrills and minor stings.  I feel like for the first time in my life I’m actually living.

Officially Enchanted

My Milk Toof

It’s Wednesday and I feel like it’s Friday, so how about something wonderful?  My Milk Toof is a photo blog that tells the story of two little teeth named ickle and Lardee.  It’s like a comic strip, but in photos.  It’s fabulous.  Click here to visit the blog and click here to read a nice article about the artist.

Evoking 1960’s Iconography

Ann Margaret

Astoria, Queens

May 2010

“Is it too much?” she asks as she poses with an unlit cigarette.

Seriously Humbled

spider in the bathtubjpgPhotograph by Grendl on Flickr

The other morning the bedroom light bulb burned out. Normally I would just let Mike fix it whenever he got home, except I was working from home and it was so gloomy and gray that the bedroom was too dark to work in.  I tried turning on the snake light, but that didn’t help. I turned on the salt lamp, but it was still too dark.  So I climbed up on top of the refrigerator to reach the cabinet where we keep the light bulbs, then I climbed up on our bed and stood on my tiptoes to reach the light fixture and I was really impressed with myself, you know? I was thinking about how I used to be this mousy little twit and now I’m this tough chick who lives in Harlem and rides the subway and changes her own light bulbs.  I turned the little fake brass knob thingy to release the glass dome fixture-cover-thing, and right when I got the knob thing off, something fell out of the fixture and brushed past my face.  I blinked and sputtered and believing the fallen debris to be dust, resolved to immediately wash the fixture cover. I bent down to set the cover on the bed and that was when I realized that the thing that had fallen from the ceiling and brushed my face was a dead spider.

I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t completely lose my shit.  The worst part was that I knew the spider was dead, I knew I didn’t need to be freaking out, but I couldn’t help it.  I didn’t scream, not like a horror movie scream, it was more like a growl.  A roar.  I roared and jumped around in circles and clawed at my face and laughed, because I knew I was being ridiculous.  The dogs started howling and barking, I’m guessing because my roaring and wild flailing was pretty alarming.  I knew I was acting like a maniac, but I couldn’t shake the creepy feeling that there were hundreds of spiders caught in my hair that would soon be walking all over my face, so I ripped off my clothes and jumped in the shower. I stood under the water, hot as I could stand it, laughing, shaking, sobbing and repeating over and over again, “I’m ok, I’m ok, I’m ok.”

This is why whenever people tell me about how much they want to learn to fly a plane, or go sky diving, or climb Mount Everest, I just smile and tell them to have a good time.  As far as I’m concerned, being touched by a dead spider is a survival experience.

Not even kidding

double parked

How the people in my neighborhood park their cars on street cleaning days.

Not even kidding.

(p.s. This picture was taken last week.  Last week when the sun shone and life was merry.  This week it has been grey and gloomy every. single. day. I’m beginning to feel crazy.)

A Serious Weekend

On our way to wonder at William Kentridge.

*love in an elevator*

*how to commute*

*how to commute*

Ladies Home Journal

*a perfect table in a perfect dining room for a perfect party*

birdling

*from the devil's gaping maw*

washing windows

*then the one on the left waved at me and I died from embarrassment*

*all photos courtesy of my Verizon Wireless Satan Owns My Soul BlackBerry

All ready?

Wow, so, it’s Wednesday. I really wanted to post yesterday, I had about a million things to tell you, but now it’s after nine thirty on Wednesday night and it just feels like it’s been so long since we talked.

First of all, the things that were said were said by people who’d never even seen this website or read a single word I’ve written, so don’t worry. I couldn’t believe how many comments and messages I got, apologizing for misunderstood or misspoken words. I had no idea you’d think I was talking about you. And no, Grendl, Nik didn’t say anything, and way to make a situation awkward.

Anyway, I should’ve been more specific. I was trying to explain how, despite the support from friends and family, I let a snide comment from someone who’s never seen my writing completely block me. And that it didn’t matter, because even if all I got were raisins, I was gonna keep on pushing.

Why does that suddenly sound so gross?

Moving on.

I have assimilated. I own a BlackBerry. It was free, with the data package, whatever, I just suddenly knew I needed to be able to access the Internet all the time, from everywhere, no matter what. Why did I know that? Because advertising works really well.

What we really wanted were iPhones, but the BlackBerries were free and I’d rather have hot needles shoved under my fingernails than use AT&T. Until this afternoon my cell phone was a little flip phone, cracked screen and chipped body, a simple device with a 1 megapixel camera and T9 text messaging, and I was happy with it. But now I have this … thing … this computer-like device that logs into the Internet and vibrates when I get a new email and downloads Apps and it terrifies me. It really, actually terrifies me.

In other news, I can now add Professional Blogger to my list of careers. I’d like to unofficially announce the unveiling of my latest project:

Picture 1

RonandRobertonDivorce.com is news, events, information, articles and personal stories from attorney’s Ron Supancic and Robert Borsky, partners in The Law Collaborative, a family law firm dedicated to bringing peace to the legal process and helping families resolve crisis.

Take a minute to let that sink in.  Divorce lawyers who advocate for the family.  They’re the guys you go to when you really believe divorce is your only option, but you don’t want to go to court, you don’t want to fight, you don’t want to make a big fuss. They’re lawyers who believe in the child’s best interest, family first, and preserving the integrity of the relationship between divorcing spouses. They’re lawyers who will recommend marriage counseling before they talk about filing divorce papers. They’re kind of amazing.

Check out the blog and tell me what you think.