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Piecing it all Together, One Post at a Time

I did not intend to let so many months pass without a single post here. I thought that during my maternity leave I would write daily about my experience in new motherhood. I thought I would do so many things on my maternity leave. Twelve weeks of projects! Twelve weeks of accomplishments! Twelve weeks of doing All The Things. But I ended up doing just one thing during those twelve weeks: I loved my baby. I held her skin-to-skin for weeks. We cranked up the heater and neither of us wore clothes unless we absolutely had to. I pressed my cheek to hers and breathed in the scent of her newness. I studied her every feature, memorizing each eyelash and fingernail. I danced with her, sang to her, read to her, cried with her. I bounced her and rocked her and nursed her and every day fell deeper in love with her. The world fell away the moment she was born and nothing else mattered. I forgot about emails, phone calls, texts. I stopped reading blogs, watching television, checking Facebook. I didn’t do laundry or grocery shop or fix a meal for probably five months. (Thank God for Mike.) An old friend said motherhood had made me “lame” and I thought, you know what? I might be a totally lame friend, but I’m a fucking great mom. So, I’ll take it.

When Eva was seven months old I went back to the little hand-written journal I’ve been keeping since I was eleven weeks pregnant, to re-read all the entries since her birth. I hadn’t been blogging, but at least I’d been journaling all the wonderful moments I had wanted to capture forever. But there were only three entries. Just three in seven months. The realization was crushing.

That said, not for a second do I wish I’d spent a single moment doing anything besides loving my baby. I knew going into this that her infancy would speed past and I was determined to soak up every moment. And I really feel like I did that – I relished every day. But I do wish that I’d been able to write every day, even just a few lines, to fill in what are now blanks. So many moments have slipped like sand through my fingers. So I’m hoping to spend some time in the next few weeks using this space to write out the bits and pieces I do remember, in an effort to try and recapture as much of those early days as I can. Because more than this blog is for me, its for her now. I want so much for her to grow up knowing how treasured she is and has always been. And when I finally drop dead (hopefully a long time from now) at least she’ll have my words here to come back to.

In the mean time, here’s her birth announcement, which (of course) I intended to post last February…

newborn birth announcement

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  • Isn’t that odd? I’m constantly trying to find the balance of both LIVING life with my kids and also documenting it so I can look back at it / pass that history on to them. It’s a hard line to find, and easy to quit documenting, but I’m a historian by nature apparently, b/c I sure am sad if I miss recording a milestone or whatever!

    I keep forgetting she and Harvey are so close in age!

    • Yes, it its a hard line to find. I really have to work at being a historian. Its important to me, but its not natural!

      Harvey is only five days older than Eva, I think. Isn’t he the 12th? If I remember, our due dates were a month apart but he was late and she was early… I’ve really enjoyed reading about him these last nine months!

  • I do not like this blogging idea, Tricia, because it means I will be welling up with tears every time I read your blog. OH OK FINE MAKE ME CRY. Cannot wait until next month.

  • interesting post

  • kamranvirk123

    oh you have got a bank of experience….

  • kamranvirk123

    its an art… only genius can write about their experiences

  • 19841363

    hi girl good sorry kim & jos I haven’t something network. I love your comments. Tankyou

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