And this too shall pass…
The fog lifted. I’m okay again. All better. Still tired, but happy. Light-hearted, even. Hopeful. The last three months have been so hard and I just hit a wall. I couldn’t take any more. Writing about it helped some. And then last Thursday Theo spent the day in the hospital (he’s totally fine – the story is in draft mode) and on Friday we found out the New York State Tax Board had placed a lien on our checking account because they found an error on our 2009 tax return. I read the letter from our bank, felt the old familiar wave of terror roll over me, and I started laughing. I thought life couldn’t get harder or more frustrating and then life took two huge dumps on me, two days in a row. It was the universe reminding me that it can always get worse. I stood in my kitchen laughing and I realized, I have to stop panicking and start taking care of myself and my family. So I left the letter on my kitchen table and I took a hot bath, shaved my legs for the first time in two weeks. Then I went bowling with friends. Because you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can help anyone else.
Not to say that I’m not still a heaping wad of anxious anxiety sometimes. Case in point:
So dramatic, I know. I can’t help it. It’s in my genes. (For the record, I happen to quite like my job. It’s incompetence that makes me want to smash my own skull in.)
Despite public online whining, I am feeling much better. I’m really trying not to focus on things like the lady who gave me such a hard time at the bank or the software that crashed every fifteen minutes or [insert any myriad of first-world frustrations here]. Instead I’m trying to focus on things like this:
Also, I’m not on my period any more so that’s probably got a lot to do with how much better I feel. Mostly. There are things nagging at me, of course. (I’m looking at you, New York State Tax Board.) But I’m trying not to obsess. So I dance in the kitchen while I clean up after dinner, paint my fingernails after I fold the laundry, take a deep breath, and keep moving forward.