This is just one of the majillionty ways he tortures me.
F#$%ing cat.*
*I say that with love.
I suppose our reputation precedes us. AMURICA!
Me, my pops, and my baby nephew Chris, circa a million years ago.
My nephew Chris, who is more a like little brother than a nephew because we are so close in age, teaches English at a school in Japan. He gave his students a worksheet to review the grammar they have recently learned by completing sentences about Christmas in America. Here are his favorite answers:
In America, on Christmas, we enjoy… killing reindeer with a machine gun.
Many children love Santa Claus because he gives… them a unicorn.
On Christmas morning, children always look very… bloody.
This is a stocking! It is a sock to… receive presents.
This year for Christmas, Ms. Haruo wants to… go to a Haunted house.
Chris will go to America for Christmas to… kill.
Now that I know the Japanese believe American Christmas is all about violence and bloodshed, I’m confident that my traditional decapitated and mutilated gingerbread people will be the PERFECT gift for my nephew’s Japanese fiance and her family. Super!
Squatch
Earlier in the week I promised you Michael’s squash recipe — the very recipe that had everyone at Thanksgiving dinner oohing and ahhing simultaneously for a solid minute. I don’t hold out, kids. This recipe is super easy and will be a hit at all your holiday potlucks. You can thank me later.
Mike’s Squatch
What you’ll need:
Butternut squash
assorted dried berries
assorted nuts
maple syrup (the real stuff)
lots of butter
graham crackers
***
You want to start with a nice big butternut squash. Like, maybe the size of a small chihuahua. Skin it, then cube it. (Careful not to cut your fingers off. Cutting squash is hard.)
Steam the cubed squash for a while. We didn’t time it, we just checked it every few minutes and when it was soft enough, we took it off the steam.
You’ll know it’s done because the color will deepen and it will be soft enough to stick a fork through. Transfer the cubes to a mixing bowl and add a quarter cup or so of pure maple syrup. Toss it all together and then start mashing. Or, if you prefer, squashing.*
*har har
Take a break from all that squashing to sort and chop your nuts and berries.
You could really use any dried berries or nuts you feel like. We’re Costco junkies so we buy the Kirkland Wholesome Fruit & Nuts mix. It’s got dried cherries, cranberries, walnuts, pistachios, and almonds. We had some leftover figs and currants which Mike chopped up and threw in as well. But I’m getting ahead of myself! Keep your nuts and berries separate. The nuts go into the crust and the berries go into the squash. So chop up your berries, add them to the squash and mash them all together.
When it’s thoroughly mixed together, squash it all down into a baking dish or lasagna pan.
Put your chopped nuts into a little mixing bowl with a stack of crushed graham crackers and cut in at least half a stick of butter.
You’re basically making a simplified version of that crumbly awesome crust that goes on the top of some apple pies. Nuts and graham crackers smashed together with a stick of butter. Makes my mouth melt just thinking about it.
Spread the crust over the top of the squash and you are done. It needs ten to fifteen minutes in the oven at 375*. You’ll know it’s ready to eat when the top is browned and gorgeous.
We’re totally making this again for Christmas.
What’s a recipe you love to make this time of year? I shared with you, now it’s your turn.
P.S. There’s still time for you to enter to win an awesome hand-made Mama Bear hat from Dopey LaRue!
