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Dear Jackhole

Dear Jackhole in the douchey Ed Hardy t-shirt,

I realize that we’re all guilty of judging people at first glance. I mean, I just decided you were a doucheturd based on the brand of your t-shirt. Except that’s not really why. The real reason is because you chose to make a snarky comment to your homely girlfriend about me and the little dog in my arms when you could see that I was clearly within earshot.

A few things about that:

1) The dog is not mine. I’m merely dogsitting.

2) The dog is wearing a sweater because without it he shivers in the cold. Which it was, when we left the house that morning. It was very, very cold. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to watch little dogs shiver in the cold. I’d much rather see them wearing a sweater.

3) I’m not carrying the dog because it’s some kind of pathetic baby stand-in, as you implied, although that was the reason I once carried my dachshund in a sling. But I only did that once, and only in the privacy of my own home, so suck it. I’m carrying the dog out of fear that he’ll lift his leg on one of the artisan booths, not only disrespecting said artisans, but spoiling their lovingly hand-crafted creations. I’m trying to be nice, dickwad, unlike you. You with your loud, rude, judgy comments about a perfectly nice girl carrying a perfectly nice dog who happens to be wearing a sweater out of necessity.

But whatever. I mean, if it makes you feel good about yourself to say snarky things about a perfect stranger WHILE THEY ARE STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, go right ahead. You obviously need the self-esteem boost more than I do.

Yours truly,
The girl carrying the little dog wearing a sweater.

P.S. I hope your penis shrivels up and falls off in your sleep.

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  • ‘Cita

    Me too.  And I hope the site contiues to itch like hell for the rest of his life.

  • bwahahahaha LOVE THIS…jackhole? Fab!
    Also kudos for not spitting it all out in his face. He’s not worth wasting good blog fodder over!

    • I know. That totally occurred to me, but then I just had to write it. It felt too good! 🙂

  • Cringe worthy curse… I think I’ll sit cross-leggesy for a while just to be safe.