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happy wiener

That is one seriously happy wiener.

Last night I was clearing the kitchen table so I could put together some favors for an office event. I’m picking up screw drivers and receipts and mail and recently-removed lampshade hats and I’m thinking to myself, “My goodness. We’re just living all over this place.”

What a funny thought. And so perfectly true. We’re living all over the place. Our lives are simple — work, school, chores, dog walks, dinner, work, school, chores, dog walks, dinner, work, school, chores, dog walks, dinner — but we love it that way. There are things we could whine and bitch about, for sure, but we have a good life. We’re in love. We’ve got these two stupid dogs and these two mean cats and a python that thinks we’re just barely too big to eat. We’ve got a huge, wonderful extended family. Mike is in school and I love my job and everything is kind of perfect. We’re living and enjoying our life instead of sloshing through it just to survive. And sometimes that means there are wads of dog hair under the kitchen table and piles of mail on top of it, but my point is: Mess on the kitchen table and all, I wouldn’t change a thing about our life.

Or would I? I’ve been thinking a lot about babies. (Like that’s new.) At first I thought it was just because I was ovulating, but that was weeks ago and I’m still baby crazy. (More than usual.) But then I think about our life now, and how different it would be if there was a baby. And I think about how much work a baby is and I know that I would end up doing most of the work because Mike doesn’t have boobs and how could I balance it with my job? And what if I suck at it? What if I hate it? What if I resent the baby or Mike resents the baby because everything was perfect and then we had a baby and ruined everything? I hear that’s what happens to people. They have a new baby and for the first three months they stare at that screaming thing and wonder what on Earth they did to their life.

I don’t want to feel that way about a baby. I want us to be stupidly, madly, happily in love with our baby. But what if we’re not? THEN WHAT?

This is what keeps me awake at night.

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  • You’ve got to be kidding me. You two would be, were you to choose to be, fantastic parents. The fact that you worry ABOUT being a good parent alone proves that to be true. Relax.


      • You’re kidding, right? (skipping several flip/amusing answers to be serious for a moment)

        Didn’t you see ‘Where the Heart Is’?

        Probably the best line in the movie if not of any movie:
        “How can you love someone so much you just met?”

        Not LIKE the life you just spent nine months creating? Sheesh.

        • Never seen that movie, but you make a good point.

          But seriously. What if Mike doesn’t like the baby?

          • You’ve never seen ‘Where the Heart Is’?! It’s like one of those unavoidable movies. I’ve seen it on TV sometimes four or five times a week.

            Seriously, you worry too much about too many things that do NOT need worrying about.

            • Yes, but there are a lot of worse things I could do. No?

  • Eemccann

    I promise you, you will like your baby. You will love your baby and the first three sleep deprived months you will wonder what on Earth you did with your life before her because none of it will matter anymore, at least not really. And if I can work full time with an hour commute each way and still have the boobs in the relationship, you can too. You adjust, you make it work, and it is totally worth it. Oh- and stop worrying now, you will do enough spastic worrying when you are pregnant and afterward. Enjoy not having to worry now.

    • See? That is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you. Hug!

  • ‘Cita

    This from the girl who wanted to raise 12 newborn rats that the designated ‘snake food’ rat surprisingly birthed?  Oh, I don’t think you’ll dislike your own baby.  At least not most of the time.

    • But what if Mike doesn’t like the baby?

      • oh PLEASE.  this is where I turn off my nice face and put on my “shut up and stop worrying” face.  Exclamation!

        You will love your baby when you have a baby.  The end.  So there.

  • Anonymous

    You will love that baby so much that it will be stuck in the back of your throat and every time you  breathe you will feel that little hitch of love in your mouth. Even if you baby is a complete douche sometimes, you will love him/her.

    DON’T QUESTION ME! 🙂 But seriously. Your baby will be good looking too, so that will make things easier 😉