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Not to put too fine a point on it

once upon a time

Soon we will be once upon a time…*

Yesterday Adam picked me up in his little blue bug and we  drove down to SoHo to go to this little shop that he’s been dying to take me to, and that I’ve been dying to visit since I read about it three years ago. It’s called Evolution and they sell taxidermied animals and human fetal skeletons and cheese-dusted grasshoppers for eating. It’s amazing. I bought myself a pair of earrings made from the wings of jewel beetles. They are so fabulous I wasn’t going to buy them because I didn’t think I could pull them off, but Adam talked me into it and I’m really glad he did. It didn’t occur to me until afterwards that maybe the wings aren’t responsibly collected and that I’ve ignorantly supported an ecologically unsound endeavor, but Mike insists that beetles are beetles and they way outnumber humans and always will, and I did a Google search and couldn’t find any information leading to the devestation of jewel beetle colonies, so I think I’m in the clear. In any case, I’m going to wear them and love them and give praise to the spirits of all the little dead beetles, for I have the most fabulous earrings in all the land, thanks to them.

Afterwards we headed back to Adam’s where we listened to Audra Mae’s new album, which is incredible, and which led to us having one of those weighty heart-to-hearts that is the verbal equivalent of looking at your vagina in a hand mirror while sitting in a circle with other women who are also looking at their vaginas with hand mirrors, whilst everyone talks about their feelings. Sorry for that visual, I suppose I could have likened our conversation to belly-button-contemplation, but whatever you want to call it, it helped me realize why I‘ve been in such a funk lately. And I feel so much better now. Once the monster is out in full view, it’s not nearly as scary.

Mike and I are about to completely change our lives. Again. We’ve finally gotten comfortable in New York and now we’re turning everything upside down. And it’s wonderful, and it’s what we want, and we’re really excited, but it’s a big hassle and there are a lot of unknowns and  we are going to miss this life we worked so hard to build. On top of all of that, there is the fact that we are moving to Los Angeles to settle down and start a family and I am acutely aware that if things go according to plan, and yes, I know how often things go according to plan, but if they do, this is the last year of our childless life. And I can’t wait to have a child, I am so excited to meet the person who is an extraordinary 50/50 combination of Mike and me, but I am mourning the nearing end of my sleep-late-on-Sundays, stay-up-late-talking-over-glasses-of-wine, run-out-for-icecream-at-midnight life. I mean, if I think I’m busy now, what is my life going to look like when I’m living with someone who depends on me to wipe their ass for them?

Then I think about what it was like to play with Olivia, my cousin’s two-year-old daughter, and the wash of love that swept over my heart so that I felt I’d never loved anyone as much in my entire life, and I am overcome with thrilled anticipation to watch my own children grow, to help them discover the world, to teach them and care for them and love them forever.  I know it will be awful sometimes and I know I will have days when I’ll dream of running away and days when I’ll secretly wonder WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING, because that’s life. That’s life no matter what we do. But the rest of the time? I am really excited about that.

Of course, I’m getting way ahead of myself. We’re at least a year away from even attempting to conceive, so what I should be worrying about is moving across the country in five weeks, not what our life might be like two years from now. It’s time for us to start packing, we need to reserve the moving truck, we need to get our ducks in a row so we can make a clean break. We’re nervous and we’re sad but mostly we’re so excited we can’t believe it’s really happening. And I think now that I can admit it, now that I can say out loud what we are knowingly giving up, it will be easier to roll with the punches and land in L.A. with our feet first and our hearts open wide. Keep your fingers crossed. It’s going to be an interesting ride.

*photo by Christine Lindebak

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  • I know how you feel girlface, I am NOT good with change – even a move across town is hard for me 🙂 It is understandable that you would be a bit off-kilter considering what is coming, but you guys will pull through it great and best of all? I will be here when you do!!! Can’t wait to have my bestest fried back!!!!

    • Frost

      Seriously, though? Everytime I talk to you, I get SO EXCITED to move home. I can’t wait to see you on a regliar* basis!

      *contrary to popular belief, “regliar” is a preferred pronunciation to “regular”. Just saying.

  • I’d cross my fingers for ya but I can’t, literally, so I’ll just wish ya the best of luck on the move!

    • Frost

      Thank you!

  • Kim

    You should have a friend still living in NY send you pictures of gray, disgusting snow this winter. When you are carrying your groceries to the trunk of your car in the sunshine, you won’t miss it too much. Or so I imagine.

    HOORAY YOU WILL ONLY BE 400 MILES AWAY INSTEAD OF 3,000! And maybe we’ll actually get to hang out! Do we have to stare at our vaginas in a mirror though? That’s SO middle school. 😉

    • Frost

      There will be no hand mirrors between us, not to worry! Maybe the verbal equivalent of, but that’s all!

      And did you seriously do that in junior high? Man, what school did YOU go to? We played Barbies!

      • Kim

        Ha. Didn’t do it so much in a circle with a bunch of other chicks, but I do remember doing it. Possibly with one good friend as we were reading the What’s Happening to my Body Book for Girls. Which told us to do it. Though I don’t imagine it said to have a friend help you.

        • Frost

          Ah! Well, there you go! I guess I’ve done it too … in college, several of my girlfriends and I helped each other figure out how to shave our bikini areas and there were definitely mirrors involved. How else can you see down there?

  • Jim

    Years ago I took a workshop on sex, love, and intimacy with about 100 men and women, and we did the hand mirror thing, too.

    Hope the move goes well, Trish, and remember, you can always go back to NYC for visits.