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Curlicues of what smear?

Today I had to stick my finger up my dogs butts.  It was a little more awkward than I expected it to be, I had to cut my nails and everything, but the whole thing went off without a hitch and I saved about fifty dollars expressing their anal glands myself instead of having a vet tech do it.

They really needed their anal glands expressed.  It had gotten to the point where I could tell the dogs were scooting even when I couldn’t see them doing it.  When the dogs walk around the apartment their toenails make a comforting little clickety-clackety-clickety-clackety on the hardwood floors.  But when they scoot, they sit on their butts, hind legs sprawled, toes pointed at the ceiling, and drag themselves along using their front legs, click-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k in rapid succession.  I hear that noise and I know that the next time I walk into the living room I’m going to find curlicues of butt smear all over the floor.

It’s been one of those weeks when the dogs are so demanding, so exhausting and so needy that I wonder why we’ve put off having children.  And then I remember how nice it is to give the dogs a treat and lock them in their crates so Mike and I can *go over our finances* in private, and I’m glad we’ve only got dogs.  Dogs are enough, for now.

And it’s not their fault, poor little things.  It’s just that their anal glands are full and the pressure is kind of uncomfortable and it feels so good to drag your bottom around the floor!  This morning when I heard a double set of click-k-k-k-k-k-k’s and found the dogs scooting frantic circles around one another, I knew I couldn’t put it off anymore.  There’s only so much butt smear I can stand to wipe up in a day.

So I put on some gloves, lubed up, and stuck my finger up their butts.  I did Valentine first and then Theo, and while they didn’t protest the violation, neither one of them will look me in the eye now.  In fact, Valentine keeps running out of whatever room I walk into.  That’s the kind of thanks I get.

And all this had to be written on the Internet because this week my mother-in-law is visiting from Florida and I can’t decide if I should hide rubber gloves and lube, or leave them in the shower.